Worst Jokes Ever

Q: What do a gynaecologist and a pizza delivery boy have in common?
A: They can both smell it, but can't eat it

 

Dad: Hey son, if you keep masturbating your going to go blind.
Son: Dad im over here.

 

Dad, what happens if a condom tear?
Look at yourself...

 

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

 

Wishing to prove to his wife that he loved her for more than sex, the young man bought her a lovely bouquet of roses. Despite his good intentions, however, the devoted husband received a suspicious look when he handed her the flowers. "I suppose," she said, "that now you expect me to spend the weekend on my back with my legs spread." "Why?" said the young man. "Don't we have a vase?"

 

Blonde walks into a doctors office and says: "Doctor, what’s the problem with me? When I touch my arm, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my leg, ouch! it hurts... When I touch my head, ouch! It hurts... When I touch my chest, ouch! it really hurts!" The Doctor replies: "Your finger is broken."

 

Two blondes were driving down the road. The blonde driving looks at her friend in the passenger seat and asks her to see if her blinker is working. So the blonde looks out the window and says, ''Yes. No. Yes. No.''

 

A blonde comes home from a day of shopping and discovers that her house is on fire, so she calls the fire department on her cell phone. "Please state the nature of your emergency," says the operator. "Help! My house is on fire!" the blonde replies. "Okay, where do you live?" "In a house you silly billy!" the blonde replies. "No,no! How do we get there?" the operator asks frustratedly. "Duh! Big Red Truck!!"

 

A blonde was sick and tired of people making fun of her for being a blonde, so she decided to hang herself. A couple minutes later two men walk by and see her hanging by her wrists. "What are you doing." they ask her. So she replies "Hanging myself." The men are confused and asked "If you are hanging youself, you put the rope around your neck." The blond says "Duh....I tried that, I couldn't breath."

 

A woman yells to a blonde walking along a river, "How do I get on the other side!?" The blonde says, "You are on the other side!"

 

What did the blonde say when she found out that she was pregnant? I hope it's not mine

 

A blonde is driving a helicopter and it crashes. When the police come and ask the blond what happened she says, "I got cold so i turned off the big fan!"

 

Death: It's your time. give me your hand Blonde: No! i know that if i dont touch you then I'll never die! Death: Holy shit! You figured out the key to living forever! You're soooo smart! High five! Blonde: *high fives* Death: Typical blonde... Dumbass...

 

Blonde: "What does IDK stand for?"
Brunette: "I don’t know."
Blonde: "OMG, nobody does!"

 

Two blondes lock their keys in the car. One of the blondes tries to break into the car while the the other one watches. Finally the first blonde says "Darn, I can't get in the car!" The other blond replies, "keep trying, it looks like it is going to rain and the top is down".

 

A blonde is standing in front of a soda machine outside a local store. After putting in sixty cents, a root beer pops out of the machine. She set it on the ground, puts sixty more cents into the machine, and pushes another button. Suddenly, a coke comes out the machine! She continues to do this until a man waiting to use the machine becomes impatient. "Excuse me, can I get my soda and then you can go back to whatever you are doing?" The blonde turns around and says, "No chance! I'm not giving up this machine while I'm winning!"

 

A blonde pick ups her dress from the dry cleaners, when she leaves the Cashier says, "Come again!" Bonde said, "Nah..It was ketchup this time."

 

As a blonde crawls out of her wrecked car, the local sheriff asks her what happened. The blonde began, "It was the strangest thing! I looked up and saw a tree, so I swerved to the right. Then I saw another tree, so I swerved to left. Then there was another tree, and another and another ..." The sheriff thought for a minute and then said, "Mam ... I don't know how to tell you this, but the only thing even resembling a tree on this road for thirty miles is your air freshener."

 

Q: What goes in hard and pink, but comes out soft and mushy?
A: Bubblegum and you should be ashamed of yourself.

 

Why does the witch not wear panties when flying?
Because she wants to get a better grip on the broom.

 

What's a pedophile's favorite part of a hockey game?
Before the First Period.

 

Why is a Black mans eyes always red after sex?
From the mace

 

Whats the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
One stops sucking when you slap it.

 

@Goldschlarger

how many more likes...? lol

 

What does a redneck say after having sex?
Good night Mom