Worst Jokes Ever

Did I tell you the joke about my dick?
Never mind its too long.

 

Q: "What is the difference between like and love?"
A: "Spit and swallow."

 

A: Why are you late?
B: There was a man who lost a hundred dollar bill.
A: That's nice. Were you helping him look for it?
B: No, I was standing on it.

 

Patient: Doc I keep on forgetting things.
Doctor: Since when did you have these problems?
Patient: What problems?

 

Don’t steal, don’t lie and don’t cheat.
The government hates competition.

 

Wikipedia: I know everything!
Google: I have everything!
Facebook: I know everybody!
Internet: Without me you are nothing!
Electricity: Keep talking bitches

 

A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you've got to go back across the border right now.
" The Mexican man pleads with them, "No, noooo Senor, I must stay in de USA! Pleeeze!
" The Border Patrol Agent thinks to himself, I'm going to make it hard for him and says "Ok, I'll let you stay if you can use three english words in a sentence.
The three words are 'green,' 'pink,' and 'yellow.
'" The Mexican man thinks , then says, "Hmmm, okay.
The phone, it went green, green, green. I pink it up and sez yellow?"

 

Q: How many Mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Just Juan.

 

Ckuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet...he scares the shit out of it

 

After reading the lightbulb one by Goldy...
How many terrorists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two to fly the plane and one to keep the passengers in line.
(No hate please)​

 

I don't get it.

 

It makes no sense. xD​

 

Chuck norris went skydiving and his parachute failed to open, so he took it back the next day for a refund

 

Oh ok then lol

 

Ching chong china man went to milk a cow.
Ching chong china man didnt know how.
Ching chong china man pulled the wrong tit.
Ching chong china man got covered in shit.

 

This had me dying laughing

 

A dyslexic satanic worshiper sells his soul to santa

 

Why cant a bike stand on its own? Its two tired

 

Whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and a pile of sand?
I don't eat sand.

 

so in a hospital a father-to-be is awaiting for the doctor to bring him his newborn baby from the obstetric ward.
the door opens. right after crossing them, the doctor throws the baby with full power onto the wall.
the father arouses and yells: what the hell...! what are you doing?!
oh, i'm just playing with you - says the doctor - your child died during the labour.

 

thats just terrible.

 

What about a unicycle? Or a tricycle? *Troll Face*

 

Why did the football player go in the telephone booth?
To get his quarter back.

 

heres a funny one


Little Johnny's first grade class was playing "Name That Animal." The teacher held up a picture of a cat and asked, "What animal is this?"

"A cat!" said Suzy.

"Good job. Now, what's this animal?"

"A dog!" said Ricky.

"Good. Now what animal is this?" she asked, holding up a picture of a deer.

The class fell silent. After a couple of minutes, the teacher said, "It's what your mom calls your dad."

"I know!" called out Little Johnny. "A horny bastard!"

 

Cracked me up