Worst Jokes Ever

When someone calls me ugly, I get super sad for them because I know how hard life is for the visually impaired.

 

You know... Trampolines used to be called "jumpolines".... that is, until your mother jumped on one..

 

omg this is horrible but it sure made me laugh LOL

 

LOL. This one is comedy gold.

 

Then what happened? She broke her neck?

 

she found a tramp

 

here is a good messed up one


A soldier at the Pentagon got out of the shower, and realized that his clothes were missing. While searching around for them, he accidentally locked himself out of the locker room, and he found himself completely naked in the halls of the world''s most powerful military organization HQ. But, luckily, no one was around to see him.

So, he ran as fast as he could to the elevator. When it arrived, it was empty. He breathed a sigh of relief and got in. When the doors opened on his floor, there was no one waiting outside. "This must be my lucky day," he said to himself. He was now only a few yards from his office.

Suddenly, he heard footsteps coming from around the corner. He heard the General''s voice. There was no way he'd make it to his door in time, so he ducked into the closest office available, and found himself in the laboratory for Research & Development. The Head Scientist looked up from one of her experiments with puzzled interest.

The soldier thought quickly, stood up straight and saluted.

"I am here to report the partial success of the Personal Invisibility Device," he said.

"I see," the Head Scientist said. "But the Shrink Ray seems to be working perfectly."

 

i found another


Ralph and Edna were both patients in a mental hospital.

One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Ralph suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sank to the bottom of the pool and stayed there. Edna promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Ralph out.

When the Head Nurse became aware of Edna's heroic act she immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as she now considered her to be mentally stable.

When she went to tell Edna the news she said, "Edna, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged; since you were able to rationally respond to a crisis by jumping in and saving the life of another patient, I have concluded that your act displays sound mindedness. The bad news is, Ralph, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead."

Edna replied "He didn't hang himself. I put him there to dry. How soon can I go home?"

 

lol

 

i'm not a fan of 'yo momma jokes' but, oh well.. this is about worst jokes, so..

yo mama is so fat that she gets group insurance

yo mama is so fat that she was zoned for commercial development

yo mama is so fat that whenever you try to take a photo of her, the camera shows error: "not enough free space"

yo mama is so fat that the highway patrol made her wear a sign saying "caution! wide turn"

yo mama is so fat that anytime she turns around, it's her birthday

but in fact its not her birthDAY because her labour lasted a whole month so she should celebrate birthMONTH

yo mama is so fat that when she was born, she gave the hospital stretch marks

yo mama is so fat that she has her own gravity field and objects thrown towards her starts to hover on the orb around her

yo mama doesn't need no internet.. she's already worldwide!

yo mama is so fat that the only pictures you have of her were taken by satellite cameras

yo mama is so fat that when she takes a shower, her feet don’t get wet

yo mama is so fat that when she lies on the beach no one else gets any sun

yo mama is so fat that she's on both sides of the family picture

yo mama is so fat that she could be a map on call of duty

yo mama is so fat that when she got hit by a car she had to go to the hospital to have it removed

yo mama is so fat that she needs a watch on each of her arms: each one for each timezone she stands in

yo mama's so fat that when she walked in front of the tv, i missed 3 seasons of breaking bad

yo mama's so fat that her bellybutton appears 15 minutes before she does

yo mama is so fat that in the movie theatre she sits next to everyone

yo mama's so fat that the national weather service names each one of her farts

yo mama is so fat that she fell out of both sides of her bed

yo mama's so fat that i took a picture of her last christmas and it's still printing

yo mama is so fat that she's got her own area code




yo mama's so ugly that when she joined the ugly contest, they said "sorry, no professionals"

yo mama's so ugly that when she tried to take a bath, the water jumped out

yo mama's so ugly that when she looked out the window she got arrested for mooning

yo mama's so ugly that she scares the shit out of the toilet

yo mama's so ugly that when she uploaded a photo of herself to a computer, it was rejected by the anti-virus software

yo mama's so ugly that she gives Freddy Kreuger nightmares

yo mama's so ugly that when she throws a boomerang it doesn't even come back

yo mama's so ugly that her pillow cries at night

yo mama is so ugly that when i took her to a haunted house she came out with a job application

yo mama's so ugly that her parents had to feed her with a slingshot

 

I've seen that on YouTube Only remember a few:

Yo Mama is so stupid, when she was trapped in a grocery store, she starved to death.

Yo Mama is so poor, she chased after the garbage truck with a shopping list.

Yo Mama is so fat, when she died, she broke the stairway to Heaven.

 

(to girl)
There's this guy I want to introduce you to. His name is Mike Rotch.

 

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Are you kidding? Feminists can't change anything...

 

And that one
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Wow, LOL.

 

"People were racist for casting black people as slaves in movies about the Civil War."

 

And some Americans wonder why we are the basis of many jokes..

 

I think I almost died on this one:

 

(I wonder how many of these I can post without getting in trouble...)

 

a lot of these jokes really need a rim-shot as a "capper" to make them the worst jokes ever

 

What is red, white, and hangs from telephone poles in the winter?

A Canadian flag!


just kidding!

...A baby shot from a snowblower.

 

What is a game that was made just to make money and is filled with dramatic events and updates?

ShellShock Live 2.