Jokes

"do you want anything to drink?"
she opened the fridge
"we have water, milk, juice, spiders, doctor pepper...."
".....spiders?"
"spiders it is then"
"no, i didn't mean.."
but it was too late she was already pouring him a brimming glass of spiders

 

Women are like dishwashers, it's faster and cheaper to do it by hand >.^

 

What is it called when your crush has a crush on you too?

Imagination.

 

whats the fastest way to get a friend

tell a girl you love her

 

I'm not gay.

My boyfriend is.

 

When someone you don`t like complains about you:

 

IT HURTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

A man goes to the doctor and says, “Doctor, wherever I touch, it hurts.”
The doctor asks, “What do you mean?”
The man says, “When I touch my shoulder, it really hurts. If I touch my knee - OUCH! When I touch my forehead, it really, really hurts.”
The doctor says, “I know what’s wrong with you - you’ve broken your finger!”

 

jokes on u

 

I get it.


A man calls up his hotel reception. He says, "Please send someone over, I'm having an arguement with my wife and she's threatning to jump out of the window."
The manager replies, "I'm sorry sir, but we cannot intervene, this seems to be a personal issue." The man replies, "Dammit man, this is a maintenance issue, i can't get the window open".

 

wtf abuse of power lets start a petition at change.org

wait hey i have an idea lets make him mad
haha

did anyone get that there

sick reference
because
yeah

like so this doesnt seem like a 1 sided view and maybe we can get him off as moderator

 

I love you.

 

How to become a millionaire; get a girl when you're a billionaire

 

WTF

 

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says,

"Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."

Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The little silver haired lady says,

"According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."

Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says,

"First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster."

He takes her hand and says,

"Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea, and then," he said with a deep sigh ............ "Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."

 

What do you call a ghost elephant?

An Elephantom.

 

wahed chinwi o wahed lmaghrebi galih asmitek,
chinwi : Lee hang o nta ?
lmaghrebi : hta ana Lee
chinwi : lee ach ?
lmaghrebi : lee hwak.
loool

 

hahaha nice joke

 

What do you call @Candor's pet cat?
A Jigguar.

 

Once upon a time a dog with only one leg... One day he went to pee and fell.

*
..|..
...|...
....|....
.....|.....​

 

A true thing about a stormtrooper.....

 

that joke's bin and gone

Don't eat clocks, it's pretty time consuming.

Owl be seeing this thread later. Probably.

 

Did you hear about the tank that killed the enemy with the cat weapon? the kill was Purr-fect. Not for the enemies, it was a Cat-astrophy for them.
Oh i a-paw-agise for these jokes
Did you know they added a new upgrade for the cat weapon? it was called Meowntain i think.
Wherever i go this weird flower keeps following me. I guess you could say he is "Stalk-ing me"
Why did the chicken cross the road? to get away from KFC.

 

sorry them puns left me scrambled can you help me understand, but most jokes before them where cracking but if i had to pick one of the best jokes i cant pick but this is no yoke here this is the SHELLshock live forums so lets get off the jokes k.