Jokes

You know any jokes about sodium and bromine? NA BRA!

 

If this hasn't been taken yet...

Back then when there weren't any iPhones, there were iStones.

Cavemen invented them back then with their wooden baseball bat thingies.

 

- How To Surprise a Blind Person -

Leave the plunger in the toilet.​

 

- How To Revive a Dead Person -

1) Slap him 100 times.
2) Needle his eyes.
3) Burn the n*p*les.
4) Perform a brain transplant.
5) Yell at him "WAKE UP YOU LITTLE WHORE"
6) Give him a cup of water. (Make sure it's from the toilet)
7) Call **********.
8) Use the plate shard and shave him, then make him eat it.
9) Perform a voodoo magic, thing.
10) Kick his butt.

*If these don't work, please contact RumMumMario's Help Center at 123-456-7890*​

 

Since when do you need to censor nipples and uncensor who*e? Anyways...

What does a Chinese bear use to cook his food in? A pan, duh!

Stan says you are a cuh - cuh - cuhn - c*nt - c*nt - c*nt - continuous source of inspiration.

Throwing acid is wrong, in some peoples eyes.

 

Whore isn't a profane word, so is nipple. I used the profanity because I think it's a nasty word >_>

SOMEONE: EAT ME.
ME: ok, how'd you like to be eaten.
SOMEONE: slowly
ME: ok for how long
SOMEONE: 3 minutes
ME: ok

 

Nurse: "Doctor, there's an invisible man in the waiting room."
Doctor: "Tell him I can't see him."

genius

 

Already said dude. .-.

 

That was... perfectly planned...

 

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it, and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, 'Get the quarterback! Get the quarterback!' I'm like, hello? It's only 25 cents!"

 

What is Bruce Lee’s favorite drink? Wataaaaah!

 

http://www.jokideo.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Always-check-your-surroundings-when.....jpg
that one is kind of an adult joke....I laughed my butt out of this whole universe..

 

Really, I'm laughing so hard right now I can barely type.

 

MARIO: Doc...I really need some help...
DOCTOR: What is it Mario? *Takes notes*
MARIO: I eat mushrooms, flowers, and a whole bunch of stuff but I can't get any taller than Luigi... I can only grow temporary but when I get hit by something I shrink again..
DOCTOR: Hmm, that's quite obnoxious..Where do you usually get the mushrooms?
MARIO: Luigi always shares mushrooms with me, he's very nice, I barely get any on my own.
DOCTOR: *Calls luigi* Oh hey, I was examining Mario for not getting tall and he said he gets mushrooms from you, where do you get them?
LUIGI: http://www.fanara.eu/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/dsc00286.jpg psst, you can see the toilet on the right side >_>

 

daddie is the worst nickname of a father you could name.